The Canadian Survival Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse
by Zabi-chan
Summary: It's the apocalypse and one Canadian girl is stuck all by herself, How does one survive the apocalypse in a cold country like Canada? It's simple really - you don't.
1. Prologue

A/n: Hello and welcome to The Canadian Survival Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse! or T.C.S.G.Z.A for short. I started binge watching Walking dead last month and I had an idea. what would happen if the Z.A. happened and you lived in Canada? I mean its freaking cold. I live in Canada and well I discovered I would not last long lol. so I ran the idea past my friend and Taada! Here's are new story its going to be a long one. We have some Pre-written chapters so expect an update every Wednesday! A big thanks to my mom who's had to listen to me rant and plot for this story! This story is written by Zabi-chan and Maranna Listten, and Beta-ed by all of us! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: We do not own Walking Dead or any of its characters.

Prologue:

"Guys! Look at this place!" Maggie shouted from up ahead. It was a fortified mansion. Well, no, it was more of a large house, but to the weary survivors, it looked like a luxury resort, surrounded by high walker proof fences that buzzed with what appeared to be electricity. Working electricity!

The smell of lemons was in the air. A dog ran up to the fence and barked happily, wagging a bushy tail to and fro.

"How do we get in?" Glenn scratched at his scruffy beard, listening to the electric hum.

"The hell?!" Daryl shouted then, and most jogged over, staring at a large gate set into the fence. Above it, in jagged writing, was written **IF YOU ARE A ZOMBIE, FUCK OFF** Below, in smaller and daintier writing, _if human and sane, please, come in_ Below that, was an elaborate diagram explaining how to open the complex puzzle lock, and taking charge, Rick followed what was written to unlock the gate. Once inside, the dog greeted them happily.

"Stay here." he said gruffly, as the group began to look around, or alternatively, fawn over the non-zombified friendly dog. "I'll make sure it's safe."

The house was odd, the leader noted as he walked in, smelling of lemon and potato. There were lemons and potatoes everywhere, actually, all with wires sticking out from them. A large colourful sign warned him to switch out the lemons and potatoes every so often. A working shower was rigged up, though the water was cold, but the rooms were clean. No Walkers, no Walker bits. No scent of blood or decay.

Cautiously, he called in his fellow survivors to help search the house, and hours later, they had found nothing but eccentricities, lemons, potatoes, and signs. There were signs everywhere, actually.

Carol, wandered into a bedroom, resting her tired feet with great relief. She flopped onto a threadbare pillow, and that was when she found it. "It" being a journal bulging with laminated pages. Tired but not sleepy, the woman opened the first page, and had a letter fall out. Now curious, she began to read;

Hello Living Person,

I wish I had gotten the chance to meet you. it's been so very long since I have seen anyone of the human and not zombie variety. I hope my house suits your needs as well as it did mine. I have been bitten, I made a cure but I don't know if it's worth even using, I am so lonely. Getting up every day is the hardest part. The dog's name is Hugo by the way I saved him from being eaten. He was just so cute. I am glad I did one thing right by rescuing him even if that's the reason I am in this predicament, He's a good boy. The book you are holding is my legacy I suppose, I've taken to calling it 'The Canadian Survival Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse' silly sounding I am sure but it's helped me stay human, or at least as human as I can be.

My name is Myriam Lam I am 20 years old almost 21 in a few months' time, I was born in a small city in Quebec, Canada. And it's a Pleasure to meet you. It's Been almost two years since this madness started and I am happy to say Welcome to what hopefully be your new home. the animals are all a bit Quirky and the damned rooster sings before sun up every morning but he makes good zombie bait if you need to make a quick getaway, sadly he always comes back so… Um... have fun with that. The fencing spans over about 5 acres, and is a mix of a lemon orchard and potato farm about half and half really. The barn in attached to the back of the house and has two cows, one sheep, a horse, and like too many freaking chickens, they live off the leftover potatoes and lemons like I do nothing goes to waste well except for the chickens they make a good meal once week or so.

Semi magical chickens aside, my fever is getting higher by the minute. I don't have much time, I have made 15 vials of the cure it doesn't work on someone who has already died, or someone with life threatening injures. but if you're bitten it's the best chance you've got. If I have known then what I know now, I would have made more. Only use it if you have hope. if you want to live otherwise it will be wasted. The book you are holding is my most prized possession in the world. I can only hope it will be as helpful to you as it was to me. There are a lot of helpful tidbits of information in my book, you just have to read it. Good luck new friends, I wish you well,

Sincerely,

Myriam Lam

A/n part 2 ; This chapter has 845 words! Yay! Please **Review** and tell us what you think? and here's a Question: If you had to Choose one Character from the show to go on a Date with, Who would you go with? and where?

thanks again for reading! see you all in the next Update!

\- Zabi-Chan, Maranna Listten


	2. Chapter 1

A/n Hello again, welcome to chapter 1! We just jump strait into the story format for Pretty much the Rest of the fic! there will be reaction chapters and what not, but this is how we have decided to format the story I hope you Enjoy!

 **CHAPTER 1**

 **Step 1** how to get out of Canada

It's the apocalypse. The goddamn zombie apocalypse. My parents weren't home, they still aren't home, I think they're dead but I'm refusing to dwell on it. I need to survive. The electricity has gone off. The water is unreliable. It's warm spring, but I'm in goddamn Canada. I already can't stand the cold, and that's with my heater and space heater working together. Canada is cold, the apocalypse isn't going to change that.

I need to get out.

I need to get where it's warm or I'll never make it past winter. This is the priority.

 **Step 1 [revised]** how to get food first

So, I've realized. I have some time to leave Canada. However, I don't have much time before I can't concentrate from hunger. I'm already so distracted by food. I need food. I think I'm going to have to leave the house. There's a grocery store nearby, I'm going to go there. Hopefully, it's still full

 **Step 1** **[edited]** how to break into a grocery store

Yup, it's full. That's because the damn thing is _locked_. How the hell am I supposed to get into a LOCKED GROCERY STORE?!

A/n part 2; This chapter has 202 words! and so this is it! I hope you all enjoyed , all the chapters will very Between 3 to 6 Steps. and there are a lot of steps lol. The Question for this week is : 'If you had to Pick which Season of the Show would you want to Join the Characters in, Which one and why?' Join us next week to see how she gets in it the store lol! ;-P

Please **Review** and tell us what you think!

-Zabi-Chan, Maranna Listten


	3. Chapter 2

**A/n:** Hello! And Welcome to Chapter 2! So, its Mid-term time... Which Sucks, the lack of sleep is getting to me... Well enjoy!

 **CHAPTER 2**

 **Step 1.1** how to find a blowtorch

I think I have an idea of how to get into the grocery store and I'm going to need a blowtorch. But there's only one problem…. Where do you even get a blowtorch in Canada, hell, anywhere? I mean if it's in the garage where it should be, there wouldn't be a problem. But I have this feeling it's not going to be that easy.

 **Step 1.1 [edited]** how to make a blowtorch

So, I was right about it not being easy, my dad's blowtorch is not where it should be aka in our garage. In its place is a note saying he lent it to Mr. Davis (our crazy neighbor) and that he should be returning it in a week's time. Well whole lot of good that does me, since last time I saw Mr. Davis he was fucking trying to eat me. So in light of that minor (major) setback I have decided rather than trying to retrieve it, I'm just going to make one! I mean, how hard could that be?

 **Step 1.1a** how to siphon Propane to use for blowtorch

Okay, so I figured out that making a blowtorch is easier than I originally thought it would be! I just have to use an old barbecue lighter and some propane and if my calculations are correct, which they will be since I am smart, the propane burns hotter and is stored a higher density making the barbecue lighter act like the perfect blow torch!

 **Step 1.1b** How to use blowtorch

Hurray! My first Success! Sort of! I made my blowtorch, but I also gave myself some nasty propane burns. Oops...

Anyway I have finally gotten into the grocery store, all I had to do was use my blowtorch to melt down the lock on the door and BAM I'm in!

 **Step 1.2** How to carry supplies from grocery store

I have realized that with my hands as bad as they are it's going to be really hard to bring my supplies home. I suppose it's a good thing I brought my backpack then, eh? Didn't I say I was smart? :D

 **Step 1.2 [revised]** How to treat burns

I have never been more grateful for first aid books than I am now. Though I wish I had read the book sooner so I could have avoided the pain I am now in. How was I supposed to know putting ice on a propane burn makes it worse!?

 **A/n part 2;** And that's a Wrap lol! ( _Hmm... I should stop with the the Food puns._ ) We hope you enjoyed. This chappie had 420 words! Yay! Please **REVIEW** and tell us what you think! The Question this week is " What weapon that's used in the show would you use against walkers?" Okay see you next week!

-Zabi-chan, Maranna Listten


	4. Chapter 3

A/n: hey its Zabi-chan here! um... so its been a while since the last update... *cough* over a year... *cough*. so I was emptying out my google drive and found this story, in all its 13 chapters glory, and well... I then started thinking why did I stop posting this?... I can not remember lol and so for shits and giggles here is the next chapter... enjoy.

 **CHAPTER 3**

 **Step 2** How to get a gun

As fun as having zombie guts all over you is, I need a better way of killing the undead bastards. The only thing I can currently think of is a gun. I play a _lot_ of video games so I have a good idea of how to use one, but I'm having the same problem I had with the blowtorch. Where in Canada can you get a gun? I mean other than breaking into a Military base.

 **Step 2 [edited]** How to locate a military base store that sells guns

So, my cousin used to go hunting with my uncle, I only know this because of how much he bragged when he shot that stupid deer. The key word in that sentence being _Shot_! And there's no way my stupid cousin could have robbed a military base to get his prized shotgun, so what store did he go to?

 **Step 2.1a** How to charge your cellphone when the electricity is down

As stupid as my cousin is/was, he texted me the address of this hunting depot. That's good and all but my phone is dead… but I have a solution to that too and it involves starting my mom's car. Thankfully she and my dad took his car to the airport, so all I have to do is find her keys.

and bam! I used the car charger for my phone! Ha, no major brain power needed!

A/n: So its short. but that was what I had for this chapter. The next one is longer lol. So I am going to see how may views this story gets, I can keep writing. but should I? let me know in the comments. I will post the rest of the written chapters either way. but should I continue the story or not? let us know! thanks for reading! and please review!

-Zabi chan and Maranna Listen


	5. Chapter 4

A/n: So as I mentioned in the last chappie I am going to keep posting what we have already written. and this chappie is longer then the last one. so um... enjoy.

 **CHAPTER 4**

 **Step 2.1** How to break into a store that sells guns.

So, I'm outside the hunter's depot and I have the same issue as the grocery store, the damn place is locked. Luckily, being intelligent, I brought my blowtorch with me, so that was a breeze. I even used it right so no obnoxious burns that ice doesn't sooth. Heh, I'm getting the hang of this survival thing. Now I just need to find a good gun.

 **Step 2.2** How to find the correct ammunition for your gun

It took a while and some googling (thank you car charger!) but I chose my gun. I then spent an hour trying to find the right ammunition, and then storing as much ammunition as possible. I'm now going home with a bag full of metal and my back kills. Fuck you, zombie apocalypse. Fucking fuck you.

 **Step 2.2a** How to treat the black eye you get because you didn't expect the kickback to be that strong

Video games lied to me. They fucking lied. I got home just fine, and decided that maybe I should test out my new weapon. Took it out, loaded it after some fumbling (good thing I snatched that book on my way out) and pressed the trigger. Then I flicked off the safety and pressed the trigger again.

And now I'm sitting on my bed, ice pack to my face because I have a black eye. Whoop dee doo, what the actual fuck. On the bright side, not like anyone is around to see my spot-on dalmatian costume. Also, my ears hurt like a bitch.

 **Step 2.2 [edited]** how to fire guns safely

Turns out this book has a chapter on firing guns properly, which I guess I'm grateful for. I have to set my feet right, for starters, and the brace myself, which I didn't do. I also need eye and ear protection, which I got from dad's garage. Thankfully though, I did get the right bullets, that's saying something, and while I've been treating my eye with warmer washcloths to help it heal or some such BS, I learned how to clean and maintain the gun. Get shit like this won't be easy so I need to be careful.

But in case you want to know, my aim sucks really really bad.

A/n: I hope you enjoyed that. so as a reminder this has a limited amount of written chappies. and I really am unsure if I should continue it... so please review and let me know. thanks for reading.

-Zabi-chan and Maranna Listten


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